Whenever I start to think I need more “me” time, the thought of this blog instantly pops up in my mind. It seems to wave its little hand and go “Hey! Hey! Remember me?” in this really sweet cartoony little voice. The fact that this happens makes me reflect on just how important my writing is to me. Yet, I never seem to find the time for it.
I keep busy all of the time. Not only with work (I sort of have 3.5 jobs now), but with volunteering at the Meg Perry Center and the animal shelter, and a plethora of other things. It begs the question not only from others but also myself: Why do I have to do so much? I talk and think about this as often as I have time too.. (haha) pondering the reason behind my hectic schedule.
It seems sometimes like my weeks are like hour glasses.. When one obstacle moves out of the way, and the sand starts to rush down, I find another peg as fast as possible to plug back into that spot. So in one sense, my schedule is chaotic, and ever changing, and in another sense, its almost entirely consistent. I am always busy.
And yet, being an introvert, most of the time that something gets canceled, I secretly go: Hooray! And then often proceed to veg out reading on the computer or by sleeping. (This does not give you an excuse to cancel on me all the time, or I will be sad. :0P )
When I have long stretches of this time, like a two days in a row off, something funny happens. I veg out as usual for about a day or so, like a big recharge, and slowly, I become more and more motivated to start writing or being creative. But like the same thing that happens when you throw a moving car into reverse, work and commitments start back up, and I have to face both the grinding of my gears, and the disappointment of throwing all of that great new energy into something that doesn’t always feel entirely productive.
That’s the downside. The upside, is that I am hardly ever bored. I really enjoy doing a diversity of things. I have a very long past of getting bored with what I’m doing or learning, and needing to switch it up. (I suppose that’s part of the reason that college didn’t work so well for me.) I get to meet new people all of the time, learn new things, and make new connections. I have a great diversity of references and resources for when I need to find a new job, or move, or start a project.
But sometimes.. I do wonder.
I wonder if I would happier to wander around the country like a lot of my friends do. Or to spend the majority of my days sitting in front of a type writer, writing. To learn to live simply, and without all of these external responsibilities. Would it make my friendships better? My love life? My anxiety?
I guess I will just have to continue figuring that out. For now, its time to try and sleep again, before I go into work at midnight. Thanks for reading my silly thoughts. I hope to be using my time to update this blog more!