They don’t mean to lie.
They tell you they’ll love you at your worst,
(because that is what we all want)
They tell you they won’t leave you,
(because no one ever wants to be left)
They say they prefer communication over distance,
(because its hard not to know) .
They say these things
And so it goes.
Then they see you at your ugly/
Engorged in your deepest fears,
and those phrases become
and bring you to “peace”.
One of the bigger fears is still here:
that now that they’ve seen the ugly,
they won’t be able to un-see it-
and its talons are only
shackled by a hope
it won’t matter.
(That you can come home)
But hope is not reality, and reality is that
we are human.
And so as soon as the armor drops,
peace bargained monsters subdued,
it can be expected
they will decide to take space,
to shelter their thoughts,
and leave you
This is not unprovoked.
You recognize why they asked you not to do these things.
How much it hurts.
And so instead you say “Okay”.
Instead you say “Go on”-
Because you understand their desire to heal.
And how big all of this feels.
Trusting, you tuck away your fears, once more.
And relay on what they’ve said will bring them back-
in the past-
in their own anxiety backlash.
You begin wondering again:
why you are so hard on yourself
for not being able to accomplish the things you are asked
(by others, by yourself).
Answer: We are only human.
And we are trying.