Uncomfortable Defaults

I ask permission

for even

the smallest actions,

because too many times

I was stripped naked

and never questioned.

I learned to gather

any enjoyment from

being of service.

Nervous,

I learned that

shutting down

made me safe.

I’m uncomfortable

unlearning

that which has protected me,

even though I know

the hands that now touch me

offer home;

My fears

vibrate in this healing space, because

I still hesitate.

I still shake,

unable to know how

to offer more

than

my default.

Unsure if I ever will.

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