I ask permission
for even
the smallest actions,
because too many times
I was stripped naked
and never questioned.
I learned to gather
any enjoyment from
being of service.
Nervous,
I learned that
shutting down
made me safe.
I’m uncomfortable
unlearning
that which has protected me,
even though I know
the hands that now touch me
offer home;
My fears
vibrate in this healing space, because
I still hesitate.
I still shake,
unable to know how
to offer more
than
my default.
Unsure if I ever will.